Saturday, July 26, 2014

Life :: 7 Things I've Learned in 7 Months of Pregnancy

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Within the past 7 months of being a sexy pregnant lady, I've learned that...

1) No one cares. Obviously your partner, family and friends should care, but random people when you're out and about are not going to fawn over your pregnant belly like a lost puppy. Don't expect special discounts, help with groceries or compliments on your glowing cheeks. Most people are doing their own thing, running errands and not paying attention to you. For awhile this really bothered me, because I felt a sense of entitlement -- like, because my body was doing this miraculous thing and I was going through this stressful time with grace, I deserved hugs and high-fives from strangers. But the truth is, no one knows your situation, and no matter how pregnant you look they are probably not thinking about it because they don't know you. And that's okay! It's not their responsibility to care. Turn to the people in your life who do, and most of all, turn within to yourself.

2) It's disgustingly fun. My favorite hobbies have become the following: farting, burping, peeing my pants, blowing my nose, not showering for days, studying my zits, eating fast food, and wearing oversized t-shirts. I also can't see my crotch anymore, so I don't even want to know what that jungle looks like. I've become a gross, fat, hairy beast. I might as well be a dude with leaky nipples. Basically, I'm turning into a boy as I'm pregnant with a boy. Now I just need to brush up on my comic book characters and video games. Anyone wanna pop some sodas and play World of Warcraft?

3) I should conceive in September next time. If you want to become a psycho pregnant lady, conceive in December so that by the time summer hits and it's 105 degrees in LA you're in your third trimester and want to pass out and/or throw up every time you exit the front door. I don't think I've ever consumed more fluids in my life, except for maybe that time I tried to join track in high school and was the slowest one and hyperventilating by the time we finished our first sprint.

4) Men love mommies. I don't know if this would be considered Freudian, but I've been hit on more since becoming pregnant than ever before. Maybe they're blinded by my boobs and can't see the belly, or they just think I'm a whole lotta woman -- more cushion for the pushin' as they say.

5) My mom is Superwoman. Speaking of mamas, I give mine SO much more credit now that I'm pregnant. I can't believe she did this three times. And had all three of us without drugs. My baby brother was the most painful at over 10 pounds, but he also turned out to be the best kid. Go figure.

6) Birth plans are useless. Or, you know, any plans in general. The biggest thing I've learned from this pregnancy is that you can't always count on your plans. No matter what you want, God knows what's best for you and His plan will override yours. Anything can happen and you just need to roll with it. We are planning on a vaginal birth with an epidural, we are planning to breastfeed, we are planning to circumcise and we are not planning on co-sleeping, but our plans could change and I'm not going to stress about that. Also, if you're wondering why I'm being so open about these things, it's because I've already been asked. I might as well post them here in case others are curious. Leave your judgments at the door, please.

7) No alcohol = no problem. Just kidding, duh. Someone sneak my flask into the hospital. We're pouring tequila shots once this guy is out!

Less than two months left. Let's do this!

*Disclaimer: Every post on this blog (minus those by guests) are based on my personal experience, opinion and point of view. Your journey through pregnancy and parenting might be different, which doesn't make either of us wrong. Thank you for reading!
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